postcards for parents

Greetings!

I'm keeping this one brief today, because my hands are tired and 
overworked from spending 16 hours at the keyboard yesterday revamping 
my website.  Those of you who are psychotherapists, is that obsessive, 
compulsive, manic, or just crazy?  (it's also a truly humbling example 
of 'do as I say and not as I do.'  If you've ever been in my house you 
would surely have heard me nagging:  You guys have to take a fifteen 
minute break from those Gameboys after every half an hour of playing!)

so anyhow, on with the postcard.  Last week I was hanging out at a 
local coffeehouse.  Since the tables are only 6 inches apart, I just 
couldn't help noticing (ok, ok, so I'm hypocritical and nosy . . .) 
that the woman at the next table was reading Kids, Parents and Power 
Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, one of my very favorite parenting 
books.  Being of the chatty sort, I of course butted in on her 
journaling time and started a conversation.  In the ensuing dialogue, 
she made a comment that is perhaps the wisest thing I've ever heard 
with my parenting ears.  Here's a paraphrased version of our email 
exchange in the days following:

me:  Something you said has been cycling through my mind ever since.  
When you were talking about choosing a school for your son, and 
mentioned that there were no spaces available in any of your top 
four preferences, you finished by saying something like, "well, 
maybe we just don't know exactly what is best for him all the time."

I am struck by the immense wisdom and release in that insight.  
I've seen many parents (myself among them) struggle and struggle 
until they grasp this truth.  But I've never heard such a clear 
and accessible translation of it.  It is inspiring to see that 
you've learned it already and your son is only 5!  

That core truth will carry you over many rough parenting waters.  
It took me years of sometimes agonizing waiting and watching to 
see that ultimately, whatever actually happens IS what is best, 
or it wouldn't happen that way!  Seems to come down to a basic 
level of trust in Life or the Universe or Spirit or God or whatever 
you name the benevolent organizing principle, and a realization 
that your child's life is as much (or more?) in Its hands as he 
or she is in yours.  Sure takes the pressure off . . .

Tammy:  I meant exactly what you said, that sometimes the universe 
has different plans than we do and you've just got to let it happen, 
and not fight against it or worry too much.  I happen to be a great 
fretter (one who frets) by nature and have to remind myself to let 
go a bit and let things happen.  We / I just can't control everything 
and, yes, it is a bit of a relief, isn't it?

Wow.  How powerful and freeing that is.

And in case I missed the point, the Universe sent me a back up delivery 
in the mailbox the very next day.  A letter from my mom contained an 
excerpt from Dr. Christiane Northrup's newsletter.   The last sentence:

Realize that your child has his or her own Higher Power, and you are not it.

My entire journey as a parent in one sentence.  Could have saved me a 
lot of time, grief and aggravation if I read this a few years ago!  
And maybe I did, in some form or another.  But I needed to come to 
live it in my own time and way, just like we all do.  I still struggle 
with it sometimes.  It can be so hard to let go of control, even when 
you find out that it was an illusion all along.  

Realize that your child has his or her own Higher Power, and you are not it.

Blessings, 

karen

p.s. Thanks to your active forward buttons, I'm delighted to say that 
my postcards are traveling far and wide!  Many readers may not know 
that I'm a life coach by profession.  Coaching is easier to experience 
than explain, but it's kinda like getting your own personal, interactive,
real-time postcard, which is tailored to your specific situation.  
Sessions are conducted via telephone or email, so geographical 
location is not prohibitive.  I offer a free no obligation get-acquainted
session.