postcards from nowhere

Greetings!

I know that last time I said I'd probably write about communication 
in relationships in this postcard, but that's just not what's on my 
mind today.  And it's much easier for me to write from the top of my 
head than keep to an agenda.  So you might eventually hear more about 
that topic, but not today.  If you want to be sure to get more 
information, I highly recommend getting a copy of Passage to Intimacy 
by Lori H. Gordon. 

ok, forging on ahead to my musings for the day ... 

It's about my career.  I opened my coaching practice a year ago and 
hung out my shingle as a life coach.  I receive ongoing support and 
education from two outstanding coach training institutions, which I 
enjoy immensely because I thrive on a steady diet of new ideas and 
deep discussion.  

But I'm in a little bit of a quandary lately -- I'm noticing a widening 
gap between the language and concepts that I've learned from my 
training and what I am actually doing with clients.  For example, 
let's take the common coaching agenda of helping clients to set goals 
and reach them. 

There are coaches who are terrific at this. And fantastic training is 
available to me on this topic.  Yet there's something in me that feels 
an incredible aversion to the idea of a goal.  I don't want to help 
people set goals and reach them.  I'd rather be the place people come 
when they are done with pushing themselves to be or do anything 
else -- done treating themselves with force.  

Because here's what I've noticed in my own life: All those goals I set 
and achieved didn't change a thing.  I was fundamentally the same the 
day after the graduation/weight loss/new job/new house as the day before.  

Everywhere I went, there I was.

It seems to me that there is no achievement, no goal, no accomplishment, 
no skill, that is more important than love.  

Not the romantic or idealistic kind of love, but the kind of gentleness 
with which you hold your own being when you think you've made a mistake, 
or are not good enough, or any of the other multitude of crimes which we 
judge ourselves to be guilty of.  The kind of love that lets us forgive 
ourselves and move on, cut ourselves some slack, and acknowledges that 
our value is inherent, not earned by our accomplishments.

I am struck today by the truth that Oscar Wilde stated so beautifully, 
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."  It is 
finally sinking down to my bones; this realization that I came into 
this world alone, and I'll leave it alone.  And in the years between, 
the only one who will always be with me is me.  So do I want this 
lifelong companion to be an enemy or a friend?  Critical or nurturing?   
Judgmental or forgiving?  It's important, because we'll be sharing 
every minute of every day together.  

I engage with clients in the same way that I want my inner companion 
to engage with me ...  gently, with great acceptance and patience, 
and with a deep trust in the perfection and process of life.  I 
remind them (and myself!) that life unfolds according to its own 
schedule, and we are not on a hamster wheel that will stop turning 
if we stop pushing ourselves to run faster.  We'll all get there 
someday, wherever there is, and there's really no hurry. 

Besides, I have this nagging suspicion that there really is no 
destination.  What would you do differently if you knew that 
when you got to the end, your parting gift would simply be the 
memory and feeling of each step along the way?  

In any case, tonight my dilemma remains -- is what I'm doing actually 
coaching?   (and yes, I am somewhat amused by my longing for a nice 
neat label.)

I connect easily with people over the telephone, as most coaches do, 
and I enjoy working from home and still being available to folks all 
over the world.  And I have had lots of coach training, even if I 
don't use all of it.  If 'life coach' doesn't fit, then I don't 
know what else to call myself.  Fellow traveler looks funny on my 
business card.  

In any case, I know what I want to offer -- sanctuary for the heart, 
and inspiration for the soul.  I'd like to walk alongside those who 
are learning to create a sanctuary inside themselves -- sharing 
encouragement or a new way of seeing things, listening, and 
offering unconditional acceptance when I can. 

So if you have a big goal or deadline, I'd be happy to refer you to 
another coach who specializes in helping with those things.  But if 
you want to rest in the truth and perfection of who you already are, 
then maybe we could talk, and share some ideas, and unwrap the gifts 
of the present together.  And if you'd like to raise your children 
so that they retain the inner sanctuary that they brought with them 
into this world, then maybe I can help a little bit with that, too.

Well ... this postcard ended up heading in a different direction than 
I had planned.  I hope there was something useful for you here.  It 
sure helped me to talk it through.  Thanks for listening.

Take care,

karen