postcards from nowhere

Greetings!

Has it really been two months since my last postcard?  Yikes!  
Where does the time go?  I've missed talking with you.

Usually I become inspired to write about something I've read in a book, 
but today I'm all about a great movie. 

I saw A Beautiful Mind in the theater when it first came out, and 
I cried so hard that my tears soaked every piece of fabric I could find 
in my purse, my pockets, and my husband's pockets.  Certain that my 
wracking sobs must have shaken every single seat in my row, I hid 
my face as I left, hoping that no one would be able to identify me 
outside the theater.  Ron Howard (the director) played me like a fiddle.  

So while viewing the DVD at home recently, I did something I've never 
ever done during a movie before.  I took notes.  Here are the parts 
I thought were worthy of written documentation (but my hand is not 
as fast as the dialogue, so don't count on direct quotes):

John Nash's wife, Alicia, is talking to a friend about what she's been 
through in coping with her husband's mental illness, and she says 
something to the effect of - When I force myself to see the man 
I married, he becomes that man, and I become the woman who loves him.  

This was so profound for me that I read it over and over again.  
I feel the truth of it in my bones, and the implications are 
simply staggering.  

It's all right here ... every part of the figure/ground reversal 
is visible.  I already knew about the value of changing focus, 
and how much better I feel when I choose to notice what is good 
and positive in others, but this added a new dimension. 

This suggests that not only will the perceiver feel better, but that 
shifting our perception can actually change more than just our feelings.  
It's a variation on the self-fulfilling prophecy; kind of an 
other-fulfilling prophecy.  People will live up or down to our 
expectations and perceptions of them.  See the best, and they want 
to show you more of it.  See the worst, and the same impulse applies.  
They want to show you more of the worst.

What if the Universe is conspiring to make each of us right?  What if 
reality rearranges itself to be congruent with our perceptions?  What if 
the world manifests itself to our specifications?  

Would a world tailor-made to reflect our perceptions be a world that 
we would want to live in?  Pollyanna just might have been on to 
something ...

We've all heard the saying 'be careful what you wish for.'  Maybe we 
should also be careful about what we pay attention to.  Maybe it's 
worth experimenting with focusing our attention on what we want to 
experience more of in the people around us, while letting the 
undesirable qualities and behaviors fly under the radar.

The second noteworthy dialogue occurred in the scene where John 
wonders if maybe his attempts to overcome his disease on his own 
are failing, and considers giving up and going back into the hospital.  
And Alicia says, Back to the hospital?!  How about you just 
try again tomorrow? 

Yes.  Tomorrow.  No macro failure.  No permanent damage.  
Just close this day, and open another in the morning.  
I'm well aware that this is a Hollywood portrayal, and 
that real life had to have been a lot messier, but once again, 
I hear the powerful ringing of truth in this.  

So often, I, and maybe other folks, too, make things a bigger deal 
than they have to be.  I tend to dramatic extremes, seeing big 
meaning in small details.  One rejection from an agent means 
I'll NEVER be published.  One harsh word from my husband means 
the END of our marriage.  

So naturally I'm enthused about the prospect of closing each day 
and starting the next with a clean slate.  Some folks (Zen Buddhists 
and the like) even suggest that it is possible to start fresh moment 
to moment, but for now I think I'll have better luck starting anew 
after a nice memory-cleansing period of sleep.

And wouldn't it be great to have that much faith?  To be able to say 
to yourself and to others - I believe in you . . . keep trying . . . 
I won't give up on you - even though you are fully aware of the 
dire consequences that could accompany failure.  

John Nash did indeed rise to the level of his wife's confidence and 
trust in him, eventually winning the Nobel Prize in Economics.  
At any time along the path of his recovery, she could have pulled 
the plug on the whole thing and signed committal papers.  But she 
kept the faith and believed in him instead.  And that's the 
potential power of love.

And last but not least, when John is struggling to apply his powerful 
intellect to the problem of distinguishing his delusions from reality, 
Alicia says, Maybe the part that knows waking from dreaming is not 
in the mind.  Maybe it's in the heart.

I see so clearly how this applies in my not-at-all-schizophrenic-
or-at-least-so-I-think mind.  When I use my mind as a tool for 
determining what is real, it comes up with all kinds of crazy and 
creative things.  It's brilliant at convincing me that it is right, 
and that it knows the truth, and that I should believe it.  

But my mind isn't always totally honest with me.  It doesn't always 
disclose that it has superimposed a layer of its own interpretation 
on the facts.  

The heart is not good at lying.  No matter how justified I feel in 
being angry at my husband or my kids or whoever, my heart still 
loves them.  The decision:  Do I want to listen to the mind or 
the heart?  Do I want to be right or happy?  Be justified or 
be at peace? 

You know ... that Ron Howard ... he's onto something.  Something big.  
Movies are a direct channel into the heart of the mainstream.  
I'm glad he's out there using that connection to help change the world.

If he ever makes another movie like this, I'm gonna strike it rich by 
investing in shares of a kleenex manufacturing company.  
If you can't beat 'em, you might as well join 'em!

If you've seen any movies that affected you profoundly, 
I'd love to hear about it.  Drop me an email or give me a call.

take care,
karen

p.s.  suddenly I'm being visited by my friends Energy and Inspiration 
again.  Here's what's cooking.  Email me for more details:

Email Coaching is officially available!
    For $100 a month or $25 per session, you and I can work 
together via email.  Convenient, affordable, and everything's 
in writing for future reference.  

New Book Discussion Groups by phone!
    You already know I'm an avid reader ... if you are, too, 
then let's talk amongst ourselves!  We'll meet once a week, 
and I envision one group for parenting issues and one group for women.  
Men, if there's enough interest, we'll get one going for you as well.

Suggested donation is $10 per gathering, and I imagine there'll be 
some group coaching happening as well. (you know me ... coaching 
kind of oozes from my pores)

Personal Postcards
    Ooh, I love this idea. Send me a brief synopsis of your 
current dilemma, and for about $25, I'll email you a 
custom-written postcard.   

Check out my website (www.karenalonge.com) for more info, and 
while you're there, check out the updated resource page.  
I'm planning to add a section for local services; massage, 
computer support, etc., so let me know if you'd like to be included.

And if you wouldn't mind, please pass the word to your friends 
and family about my postcards, website, and coaching.  
I'm ready for more! 

Thanks so much.      - k