postcards from nowhere

Greetings from the broom closet!  (oops, I guess I'm "out" now)

I just added it up -- I'm down to scrubbing 10 toilets a week from my 
all-time high of 22!  I am feeling somewhat nostalgic as I transition 
out of cleaning houses and into my life's work -- coaching people to 
find inner peace and joy through self-acceptance. 

I started my housecleaning business almost four years ago, after my 
divorce.  It was such a perfect fit -- I could make a decent wage and 
set my own schedule so I could still be home whenever the kids were.  

As perfect as it was, through the years I have been all over the map 
in terms of inner feelings about my work; shame, resentment, pride, 
humility.  I was embarrassed for a long time about my job title.  
Wasted college degree and all that.  And then I began to understand 
that it's really not what I do, but what I am thinking, feeling, and 
being as I do it that determines who I am.  And that the judgment I 
thought I felt from other people was actually an almost perfect 
reflection of what I was hearing inside from my Inner Critic.  

Slowly, I began to see my work as more than menial labor.  When I paid 
attention I realized there were things I enjoyed about it -- the fresh 
citrus smell of my cleaning spray . . . the satisfaction of immediate 
results . . . the simplicity of putting things where they belong . . . 
the quiet knowing that tonight someone would come home and feel comforted
by clean sheets and fluffed pillows.  I began to feel good about giving 
my clients the gift of extra time to do what they truly love. 

As I eased up on judging myself, I became aware of a sacred gift for me 
hidden in my cleaning time.  For two or three hours my body had only one
task, and my mind had no interrruptions.  I often entered a home in a 
state of mind that was as cluttered and messy as their dining room table.
After a while I noticed that as I restored order and peace to someone 
else's sanctuary, I was also bringing order and peace to my own inner 
being.

The other day I was wrestling with an inner gremlin as I mopped a floor.
A child's drawing in a stack of papers on the table caught my eye.  It 
was a picture drawn by a five-year old boy, and the caption said, Batman,
surrender or you will be frozen.   The perfect insight into my inner 
battle!  I was stunned. 

Life is so rich with metaphor. The answers are everywhere.  All I need 
to do is pay attention!  Which sounds so simple, but when my Inner Critic
takes the stage, she is so loud that she drowns out everything else.  
She keeps me spinning around in what she thinks should be happening 
instead of noticing and appreciating what is happening.

The solution is not to get the hook and yank the Inner Critic off the 
stage.  After all, what you resist does persist!  But I've learned to 
give her a bit part, and a time limit. Then I can choose to direct my 
attention back to what is happening by turning the spotlight on either 
my breathing or a physical sensation -- like the feel of the sponge in 
my hands or the coldness of the floor on my knees. 

Cleaning is one of the ways I bring peace and order to my mind so that 
I can recognize the gifts embedded in every moment.  The present!  And 
now, as a coach, I am filled with gratitude for the privilege of 
partnering with my clients to discover what helps them to do the same.  

Maybe it is running, or writing, or playing a musical instrument.  Have 
you ever taken the time to investigate this for yourself?  What  slows 
down your mental chatter enough so that your awareness is free to pay 
attention to now?  Just doing one thing at a time and giving it your 
full attention.  Feeling the sensations in your body instead of spinning 
around in scenarios that exist only in your mind! 

I think it is important for each one of us to discover how to provide 
sanctuary for ourselves.  To know what to do when we are being beaten 
down by our inner critics (or as coach Judi Talesnick calls it: the 
itty-bitty-shitty-committee, whose job is to keep us feeling insecure 
so we don't risk too much greatness).  To help ourselves return to the 
now, and really pay attention to it.  To savor the present, and see its 
perfection.

My wish for today:  that you, me, Batman, and all the other superheroes 
find at least one thing in our lives that helps us surrender into the
awareness of each moment;  not be frozen in the imaginary dramas of the 
critical mind.  Even just one hour with no shoulds might be as 
rejuvenating as a tropical vacation!  I can just hear Robin (the boy 
wonder/blunder) saying, Holy attitude, Batman!


Blessings, 

Karen