thinking is overrated, I think

Wanted to report that some results are trickling in on my latest hare-brained experiment in non-thought. To refresh your memory, since lord knows I have a lot of Experiment Irons in the fire at any given moment, this is the one where I don't allow my mind to contemplate, ruminate, or cogitate on anything that is not right in front of me at the moment.

My mental tendencies really come out of the closet during my daily walks. My mind seems to believe that since my feet have everything handled externally, it can run willy nilly internally and spaz out about all kinds of crap that is coming up in my life. The range of subjects that it can cover in a hour is stunning. And almost all of them are prefaced by What am I going to do about ....?

I've come to understand that this is actually some kind of addiction playing itself out. My best hypothesis for the moment is that my mind really really REALLY likes to feel important. And solving problems seems like Very Important Work, much like Winnie the Pooh is a Very Important Bear. So my mind is addicted to maintaining a sense of self-importance. Which is kinda cute except that it can be so dang annoying.

Anyway, back to my experiment: when I notice that my attention is engaged in solving a problem that does not actually require an immediate solution, I call it back to the moment by giving it something concrete to do, like notice the pressure on my third toe as I walk. Which, by the way, remains next to impossible for me. There seems to be a black hole in my body awareness right there. So it's a worthy challenge.

Since my dedication to this practice has increased recently, it means I haven't solved any problems in a while. And shocker of all shockers, my life has not ground to a halt due to this severe and pervasive solution deficiency.

For example, one day it occurred to me out of the blue that getting involved in probation sounded like fun. No, not as a criminal! More like as a probation officer. So I hopped online and found that our local probation department accepts volunteers. Before I knew it, I was sitting in an office in the justice building listening to the volunteer coordinator tell me about an opportunity to work with teenage girls. How cool is that?

But here's the thing: I did not THINK this into being. I followed my nose, not my mind. I did not make a plan, a list, a chart, or a graph. I did not map out baby steps toward my desired goal. I did not imagine how great it would be to have what I want. I simply acted on inspiration in the moment, choosing my next step by heading in the direction that seemed the most fun and interesting.

Can I really live my whole life this way?

And it could work out just fine?

Oh my.

The truth is, and I better whisper this because I don't want to hurt my poor mind's feelings -- it really doesn't know all that much about the future.

Actually, it knows nothing.

Shhhh. Poor little thing. Let's give it some privacy to digest that news slowly.

All these years, I have only allowed myself to invest in a future that my conscious mind could envision, analyze, comprehend, and prepare for. But that mind is just a tiny little room, with no space for magic, mystery, or miracles. So some renovations are in order.

Besides, I think the walls are already starting to crumble ...