seeing the light on non-attachment

This morning on my walk around the lake, I found myself breaking into a grin as a older couple jogged past me. It cracked me up to recall how fervently I had longed to be part of a marriage like that when I was younger. Aww, heck, who am I kidding? I probably felt that way as recently as a few years ago.

But something within me has fundamentally changed since then. No longing arose to have what they were having. There was no story playing in my mind about how wonderful my life would be if I was in that kind of marriage. I simply witnessed them together, enjoyed the sweetness of it, and then my attention moseyed on to the next thing.

Can I tell you what a relief this is? Because had they crossed my path several years ago, my mind would probably have gone into overdrive listing all the ways my life would be better if only I was in a relationship like that. I smile/shudder to think of the energy I expended trying to make my relationships fit that picture.

And now, well, it's hard for me to believe that having/not having, being/not being, doing/not doing anything different would have any kind of substantial impact on my sense of well being.

That's not to say that I may not be carrying some subconscious energetic leftovers of longing - I probably am. I'm just sayin' it's really awesome that I don't have to listen to those mental loops play through my conscious mind anymore.

It's lovely to feel content with my life, exactly as it is right now. Open to what the future may bring, knowing that it will surely be interesting. In no hurry to get anywhere, because there is no longer anywhere else to go. Just writin' my little postcards from Now Here.