more on mindfulness

As my experiment continues, I am finding that when I focus on my mind, or pay attention to my thoughts at all, I get all riled up. I argue imaginary cases in my head. I talk faster, hear less, and interrupt more. I move more frantically. My shoulders raise up to my ears, and many of my muscles tense and hold, as if they are getting prepared to fight or flee.

But when I shift over to body awareness, my mental, physical, and emotional energies settle themselves right down. My shoulders drop, my weight sinks, and my mind, oh thank heaven, becomes quiet and calm (relatively, anyway). I even let people finish their sentences. And it's funny how often they communicate exactly the thing I was wanting to know, without me needing to ask!

you4ic makes a great point in his comment about my original post: How can you still your thoughts if you can't detach your awareness from them?

Thanks to my very gifted energetic healer, that detachment is now a genuine option for me. Prior to the day before yesterday, it wasn't. Thoughts and awareness felt inextricable. For example, if I felt tense, I believed I was being mindful by thinking, "I feel tense." But talking about it is still a thought. Description is one step removed from sensation. Sensation can happen without words.

The best way I can think of to describe it is that, my attention used to be fixed to my head sort of like a headlamp. It was a concentrated beam, and illuminated only what I decided to shine it on.

Body awareness is more diffuse. It doesn't require any light at all. It's like each little cell reports its experience, and together, those reports form a sensation. Putting it into words is not the same as just noticing it.

Which reminds me, that's enough talking about this! That's all I want to say for now.