how is this exactly what I wanted?

I'm playing around with a new self-inquiry prompt whenever I am feeling disappointed, upset, or in resistance to something: How is this exactly what I wanted? The answer exposes my hidden conflicting intentions.

Here's an example: When I first started my private practice, I was intensely focused on getting more clients. I studied marketing, took action on everything I learned, and then felt sort of mystified when my client base didn't markedly increase.

When I applied my question to this quandary in hindsight, it was quite illuminating. How was having not very many clients exactly what I wanted? The answer practically jumped out at me. Ever since I first became a parent, I have been unwavering in my resolve to be home for my kids. More clients would have meant less time and energy to devote to parenting. And of course, the strongest and clearest intention had the most energy backing it up, so it won out.

I don't ask myself this question to change anything, but rather to empower myself. It helps me realize that I am in the driver's seat and have been all along. When I bring the hidden conflicting intentions to the surface, I see that I am not at the mercy of caprice or some external force. I have created exactly what I wanted the most, whether I was consciously aware of that desire or not.

As soon as I remember that I am indeed in the driver's seat, I can take the wheel and steer myself in a different direction if I wish. Sometimes a new idea that synthesizes my conflicting intentions suggests itself, such as teaching classes or doing group sessions to increase my client base without detracting from my commitment to my family.

And sometimes I just sit back and smile, and decide not to change a thing. Because quite often it it becomes clear to me that the situation is actually perfect exactly as it is.