benevolent conspiracy

I'm starting to melt a bit. My emotions are moving again, albeit slowly, and with frequent but very brief welling up of tears. (Maybe that's how the moving parts keep lubricated?)

More and more, they are tears of gratitude for the unmistakable support and guidance I am receiving from my Source Energy.

This morning as I was driving around town, I was ruminating on the nature of romantic love, and whether it would be wise for me to base any decisions on it ever again. I came home to find an email from an ex waiting in my inbox.

He had been going through some old boxes, and found a card I had given to him. Out of the blue, he decided to scan it and sent it to me. It was sweet and romantic and mushy, and ended with I love you so much! And in a flash, I remembered that I DID love him so much, back then. But I don't anymore -- I feel warm affection and gratitude for our time together, but it's nothing like the way I was feeling when I wrote that note to him.

That scanned card was worth a thousand words. It reminded me of something really important: even romantic love is transient.

Don't get me wrong .... it's really nice when it's happening! I like it alot.

And it, too, shall pass.

So I'm sort of back at square one again. It ALL passes - joys and sorrows alike. All I can do is be as present with it as possible while it moves through my experience.

Sometimes, I will notice every nuance and savor it.

Sometimes, I will be lost in my thoughts, and the experiences will move on through without me even noticing. (sort of like when you drive somewhere and forget what you saw on the way.)

Either way, I am okay with it. When I realize I am not present, I can just start paying attention again right then and there. And then I will surely space out again, and remember again. It's no big deal.

Oh, and in case you are wondering what I decided about romantic love, I'm hoping NOT to base any future decisions on it. But who knows ... I tend to violate my own principles on a regular basis, so anything could happen. It's a good thing that I am relatively resilient!