watch and wait

Lately I been contemplatin' the benefits of having lived awhile. I think I might be mellowing out in my old age. I don't get hot under the collar about nearly as much as I used to. Gone are the days of springing into outraged action when I hear about an 'injustice.'

True statement: I don't hate G.W. Bush.

Sheesh, I don't even know the guy.

Black and white have melted into shades of gray, and it's not always clear to me who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. In fact, I just don't have any interest in those kind of labels anymore. And the only thing I can attribute that to is having lived awhile. Seen things come, seen things go, seen them come back again. Doesn't matter much. Everything changes eventually, whether I get outraged about it or not.

Lately I've been receiving lots of email about political stuff and community organizing from people who are passionate about getting involved. I think it's cool when someone finds something they feel good about to invest their time and energy into. I love when people are excited about possibilities and feeling optimistic.

And while it's sort of entertaining to watch all the inauguration festivities from the sidelines, I don't feel any different myself. Life was good yesterday as far as I remember, it was good today, and I suspect it will be good tomorrow, too. My thinking determines the quality of my experience, not the dude in the White House.

I vaguely remember feeling passionate about causes. I got my first cloth shopping bag at an Earth Day fair organized by my brother at Notre Dame University in 1990, and I still use it today. I went through an ethical vegan phase. I wore my Arms Are For Hugging t-shirt with pride. I was all about peace. (I'm sort of cringing as I write this. Violently opposed to war ... ironic, huh? LOL)

But these days, I'm just sorta minding my own business. It's a full time job for me to keep my own mind clean and clear.

I used to think that I had to DO SOMETHING, a la if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem. Now, I do only what feels good to me. If I love the idea of contacting my congressman about some pending legislation, and I feel happy and light and uplifted about it, I go for it. If it feels heavy or icky, I don't do it.

I no longer feel it's my responsibility, or that things will never change unless I take action. Things change all the time. In fact, I've put some concerted effort into keeping things from changing, and they did anyway. I'm not as influential as I used to think I was.

You know, it could be that everyone in the world was already using this kind of internal barometer, and I'm just late to the game. Maybe nobody is doing this stuff because they fear what will happen to the world if they don't - maybe they just do it because they like doing it. If so, then I'm grateful to have finally caught on.