gratitude vs appreciation

Driving down the road yesterday on one of those perfect autumn days, feeling like I could just explode with the joy of being alive, I had another ah-ha moment.

I have been using the terms gratitude and appreciation interchangeably for years and years. Suddenly it occured to me that they are not the same thing.

Gratitude, for me, is directed at something external. It's a big Thank You to whatever or whoever brings me something I really like.

Appreciation, on the other hand, is not directed anywhere. It doesn't thank anything or anyone. It just expands in all directions in the blissful enjoyment of the moment.

In a sense, I experience expansion when I appreciate a beautiful day, but gratitude brings contraction. Appreciation connects me with everything. Gratitude sets me outside of it ... separates me from the source of it, makes me smaller than it, identifies me as a witness but not a full participant.

This seems to be some sort of corollary to an insight I experienced earlier this year: Prayer is just a way of talking to the part of me that is bigger than my conscious mind and ego can identify with.

When I was a kid, prayer consisted of imploring some Magical Being to grant my wishes. In early adulthood, my concept of Divinity became decidedly female, and my prayers became songs and dances. At some point, the concept of a Deity stopped feeling real to me. I could no longer make that leap of faith. Praying seemed like sending messages into some kind of black hole, so I stopped bothering with it.

But it all made sense again when I realized that prayer was just talking to myself. I am the Deity. (And so are you, since we are all drops of the same divine ocean.) It took no leap of faith to realize that miracles had happened in my life -- intuitions, synchronicities, benevolent conspiracies -- that I could not explain with my rational mind.

I had no trouble acknowledging that part of me seemed to be operating beyond my conscious control, and was working behind the scenes for my highest good. It was easy to conceptualize myself as an iceberg, with just the tip of it being consciously aware of itself. Prayer became a vehicle ... a way to send and receive communication from the part that was submerged beneath my awareness.

For now, that works for me. It will be interesting to see what comes next.

For now, I don't know whom to thank for this glorious day. Luckily, appreciation needs no recipient. It's just a joyful expansion of connection and bliss.

book review: Personal Development for Smart People

I have spent many hours enjoying Steve Pavlina's blog at http://www.stevepavlina.com/, so I was very excited when I heard he was writing a book. When he offered free review copies to bloggers who agreed to write honest reviews and post them on their blogs, I applied immediately and was delighted to be accepted. I couldn't wait for the book to arrive, and anticipated devouring it in one weekend and writing a glowing review.

The book arrived in late September. I ripped the package open and dove in, only to find that I simply could not connect with the material. Here we are, a full month later, and I have not cracked it open for three weeks. Yes, I was busy with work. But that never stops me from finding time to read if I'm into a book. I once stayed up all night to finish The Mists of Avalon.

I found myself reading the same words over and over without feeling any meaning behind them. I don't know why this is. We all know I am not normal. I have spent the better part of 25 years absorbing personal development and inspirational books and loving them. Maybe I have simply reached my quota. Maybe my mind just has no room left for even one tiny crumb of a concept. Maybe it is time for me to focus exclusively on my inner guidance. Who knows. Who cares.

BUT ... and it's a big BUT ... last week, I emailed my son, who is 17 and recently joined the Coast Guard, a link to one of Steve's blog posts. He loved it, and went on to spend hours reading the other posts. He's been calling me fairly often during his adjustment to life in the world outside the bubble of our little conscious family and community. I've found myself at a loss to help him deal with the bullying, teasing, harrassment, attempts at manipulation, and games that he has encountered. I put out the intention that a male mentor would show up for him who could offer him the assistance that I can't. And in stepped Steve Pavlina!

So I'm sending the book to my son, and he can't wait to receive it. I am SO excited that Steve will be his virtual mentor. I am confident that man-to-man, his book will offer my son the spiritually intelligent wisdom that he is so hungry for, and the exercises in the book will tap him in to his own inner guidance. I get goosebumps when I think of the life he might build on top of the strong personal foundation he will learn to construct from this book.

Please don't get me wrong - my son is a very emotionally intelligent 17. I'm not saying this book is just for teenagers! It's much more about stage than age. I think it's a comprehensive roadmap for someone starting to examine these things; an initiation to the journey of personal growth, and a guidebook for taking responsibility for your own life. If I was asked to recommend a book for someone who would read only one on this topic, this may very well be it.

At each critical juncture of my own spiritual journey, there was a powerful book acting as a catalyst. I can't tell you how excited I am that I can offer this book to my son. I'm delighted that he will get to chew on bite-sized nuggets of wisdom like: "Distancing yourself from the truth is never a wise long-term decision," and "Excessive routine is the enemy of intelligence."

As I gleefully package it up to mail, I will smile in joyful celebration of my son's first steps toward the "conscious pursuit of personal growth" which is the subtitle of the book. Thank you, Steve. I'm so grateful that you are out there doing what you do. The ripples from your work will reach far and wide.

Incidentally, my son is planning to post his own book review on his blog, so I'll let you know once it's up. You can get more information on the book and how to order it here: http://www.stevepavlina.com/personal-development-for-smart-people/

free online readings using my favorite tarot deck

I'm still holed up working on that contract project, but I thought I'd surface just long enough to share my favorite Tarot deck with you: Osho Zen Tarot. I have the deck of cards, and also love to get free readings from the online version. The cards I draw never fail to hit home for me.

http://www.osho.com/main.cfm?Area=Magazine&Sub1Menu=Tarot&Sub2Menu=OshoZenTarot&Language=English

enjoy!
:)

lullaby

Long time no talk to! And it would have been even longer, since I am buried under a major contract for a few more weeks, except that I took a 10 minute break tonight.

As I stood in my kitchen eating a piece of toast, the sound of a lullaby that I used to sing to my babies wafted to my ears. Frozen for a moment, I realized that my next door neighbor was singing and playing his guitar, and the music was passing right through the walls. It sounded as if he was in my living room, performing just for me.

Incidentally, he's a quietly quirky guy who told me in the one conversation I've had with him over the fence that he has lived here since they built this complex in 1985. Every morning he leaves for work at exactly 6:20, and has been with the same employer for over 30 years. He's never home during the day, does laundry almost every night, (I hear the washer and dryer through the walls, too), and now, I learn, has an incredible singing voice, and a musical taste that I very much appreciate.

The song, You Can Close Your Eyes, was on a tape of lullabies that has since been passed along to another mother. I sang it for hours and hours as I walked the floor with each of my children, as well as the many babies I have cared for over the years. To this day, I'm not sure if I sang more for myself or the little one. Most of the time, we both needed comforting.

So tonight, I surrendered to a few nostalgic tears. Then I went googling, and learned that it's a James Taylor song. Here's Sting singing it in tribute. He starts singing at the 2:05 minute mark.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X2Y4VCa3qE&feature=related
Back to work. See you in a week or two.

:)k

give something

Times appear to be tough all over. So many things that seem critically important to us are happening outside our sphere of personal influence and control.

But there is one thing we can each do to change things for the better, if we want to:

Give something.

Anything.

To anyone.

Counter the collective tendency to contract in fear. Expand instead. Reach out.

Go through your closet and give away clothes you haven't worn in the past year.
Go through your pantry and donate the cans that have gathered dust.
Clean out your garage and take a load over to Goodwill.

Give your time and attention to someone new every day - even if it's just making genuine eye contact with the cashier or someone you normally don't look at, and silently sending good wishes their way.

Give a kind word. Open a door. Let someone else have that parking spot in the first row.

I promise you that someone needs what you have to give. Possibly today more than ever. And I promise you that no matter what your circumstances, you can find something worth giving. Smiles are still free, and you can never run out of them no matter how many you give away.

Some folks say that giving IS receiving, and that feels true for me. When I give something -- anything -- it reminds me that my cup can overflow regardless of my bank balance. It's gratifying to make a difference, even if it's a tiny one.

Giving something just might be the ultimate antidote to feeling powerless and out of control. We don't have to wait for the world or the adminstration to change -- we can set the ripple effect in motion today.

wisdom book

Wisdom and inspiration from elders all over the world, gathered beautifully and stylistically in one place -- with radiant light in their eyes, and profound insight in their words. So far, Desmond Tutu is my favorite.


http://www.wisdombook.org/