we do well when we can.

We really do.

If I could have said it better right then, I would have.

If I could have paused and reflected before acting, I would have.

If I could have done more, I would have.

Whatever I did was the very best I was capable of at that moment.

You too. Our kids, too.

Know the empty boat story? I think it's Zen. Maybe Taoist. I get those confused. Anyway, here's my version:

This dude is sitting in a boat on a foggy lake, fishing. Through the mist, he sees what appears to be another boat heading in his direction.

He calls out, "Hey, watch out. You are going to run into my boat."

The boat keeps coming.

He cries out with more volume and intensity, "HEY!! WATCH OUT!! YOU ARE GOING TO RUN INTO MY BOAT!!"

The incoming boat remains set on a collision course.

He hollers frantically, "YOU IDIOT!! STEER YOUR FRIGGIN' BOAT!!!"

CRASH!

Now that the boat has run into him, and the mist no longer obscures his vision, he peers fiercely into it to see who will be the recipient of his angry tirade.

It's empty.

The anger instantly dissolves into laughter. How sheepish and ridiculous it feels to yell at an empty boat!

We are all empty boats. If we could steer better, we would. Sometimes, for reasons that have nothing to do with each other, we just can't. This is part and parcel of the human condition.

So rather than yelling at an empty boat -- letting our anger about their incompetence or arrogance or blatant disregard for us blind us -- we can instead take responsibility for our own safety by moving our own boat out of the way.

That doesn't mean we abandon the job or relationship or apartment, just that we take control over our whereabouts, our attention, and our options in this moment. We respond to things as they are, not as we wish they would be. We do what we can to take care of ourselves, moment to moment, rather than handing that responsibility to an empty boat.